Have you ever had a moment where you wake up, look at yourself in the mirror, and think ‘what on earth am I doing?’ I had one of these moments a few months back now. The basic gist of it was this: I felt as though I had no soul. I was working tirelessly and whilst I have nothing against hard work, the ‘no soul’ part was definitely dragging me down. I’d been pushing on for the better part of twelve months, trying to do what I thought was going to be ‘best’ for the family and setting aside my true passions. I should know better by now. I should. Clearly I don’t.
In the end I realised a thing I have always known, but never really embraced: I am not normal. I mean that in as nice a way as possible: I am a bubbly, eccentric personality. I work best alone, in silence, doing my thang my way. (Yes, I wrote ‘thang.’) I have never thrived in a standard work environment. Creativity, working from home and being a stay at home mum have been lifelong dreams of mine. And, hey, I’ver certainly managed the mothering part! I love my two munchkins and I would do anything for them. But the rest? I have this nasty habit of getting in my own way. I’ve spent a lifetime looking at myself in the mirror and saying “Why can’t you just be normal?” But I can’t, even when I try.
I sat down and I had a long talk with close family members, close friends and above all, my most delicious and ever supportive husband. We talked about what I was doing and why, as opposed to what I wanted to be doing and why. We talked about life, love and happiness. In the end I realised that I need to be myself. Even if it means less money now and a longer road to financial freedom. If I can’t show my kids that being completely, utterly myself is okay, how can I encourage them to do the same?
Now, I am a bit of a dreamer. Okay, a lot. I don’t really live on planet earth. I’m pretty sure I’m a unicorn (except for those days when I’m a dragon, oh yes) and I believe everything should be covered with sparkles. With being so busy trying to be normal, I had hidden away all these things. I’d stopped creating unless it was practical or necessary. I pretty much wore grey and black everywhere, and there were certainly no rainbows in my unicorn poop. (overshare! sorry) I decided the best thing to do would be to reclaim my creativity. But what would I do with the things I made??
Hubby said “Why don’t you just sell them?” Well, derp! Why don’t I? So I set my sights on an Etsy store and I began. I have started small, with things that I could whip up quickly on the sewing machine, because at the time that suited me. I dreamt up the name Designing Daydreams as a homage to my dreamerishness, and I registered it.
I opened an Etsy store and I listed my items for sale. This was all around the time of Grandma’s passing, or shortly thereafter, and I’ll admit I haven’t done much since then. But I am renewed. I am feeling fresh and vibrant. I have started wearing colour, putting clips in my hair (special mention to Orion who said “mummy, why is there a bird on your head?” – for the record, it was a flower) and I’ve even dug out my proper jewellery.
I’m currently working on some very cute commissions (one of which has taken me a long time so far – sorry Kate, I am knitting like mad I promise!) and I’m designing and making a couple of quilts, one on the machine and one that will be embroidered by hand. Last week I placed my first wholesale order, and today it arrived! I’ve sorted my diary situation for next year (I’m a stationary nut so that’s harder than it sounds) and am now waiting for the mailman to deliver it. And, and, AND – I’m writing again. Oh yes. I’m dreaming of things, and stories, and shiny rainbow sparkly clouds with unicorns dancing across them.
Here’s the Etsy store, if you wanna take a look: xDesigningDaydreamsx
I’ve also added a Designing Daydreams section to the menu on the blog. This will enable me to add any relevant posts and also keep up a few current pictures of what the store is selling and stuff like that. Check it out! Things are small for now, but I have plans for them to grow, grow, grow!