An Introduction to my Impractical Family

Hello! Welcome to the Impractical Parenting Almanac. As this is the first entry, I feel it is only polite to pen a quick greeting and let you know a little bit about myself.

I am just like you; a normal person going about her everyday life. I am a mummy, a wife, a domestic goddess, a woman, a child, a sister and on special days, a towering pillar of raging hormones.

My family consists of me, my husband and our little bubba who is approximately sixteen months old. Give or take a month, because I’m not that good at counting and am often wrong. I live my life a day at a time and this will be a place for me to vent, (I should say share but it would be a fib) and for you to read, about the strange and often humorous things that happen in my everyday life as a mother.

The disclaimer: I am just one mummy in a sea of mummies and daddies, doing the best she can. I am not a professional and this is not parenting advice; it’s called ‘impractical’ for a reason. The Almanac is merely a collection, what you make of it is up to you.

So I’ll keep this short and now that the official stuff is over, I’ll give you a taste of what I anticipate to be the general flavour of the Almanac:

This morning I smelt something a little hinky when I came close to Bubba Impractical. I asked him if he had done a poo and he said no. Such was my disbelief that I checked in his nappy but no, he had not. Fine. Good, even, because I have a broken wrist in a cast at the moment and nappy changes suck more than normal.

About an hour later, Bubba comes up to me carrying his nappy bag, presents it to me and says “poo.” Once again I don’t believe him but he is actually correct. I lay him down to change his nappy thinking how amazing and intelligent he is to tell me he has done a poo when he is only sixteen months.

I am wiping away, cleaning things up, basking in happy thoughts of my tiny genius, when I hear a gurgling sound. I look up to see he has opened the tube of baby moisturiser and squirted it into his MOUTH. As I watch in horror he licks his fingers and smiles at me as though it is the most delicious thing ever.

Arrrrgh!! Bum or face? Bum or face?! I prop his legs on my shoulder, lean over and clean his face as best I can. Surely he shouldn’t be eating the moisturiser?? Where is my little genius!!! I take the tube off him and sit back to finish the other end. He pees on me and laughs.

Genius, indeed. Evil genius.

Has anything like this ever happened to you? Sharing is caring!

Lots of Love
Mummy Impractical.


2 thoughts on “An Introduction to my Impractical Family

  1. A a new impractical dad, I offered to change our first child’s first nappy. Full of the wonders of fatherhood I opened the pins and towelling (we believed in the Earth-friendly nature of cloth) and revealed the stickiest, most repulsive stuff I have ever had to clean off any part of a mammal (including the soles of shoes). Nobody had told me the number one, number twos were a little different. As you would guess, I left it to the nurses when number two (no pun intended) came along.

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